R.I.P. Mankind!

I write this today with much regret and disappointment, yet somehow without surprise. I write this today because no one will be able to write this from our perspective when the time is actually appropriate because well, we’ll all be dead. Gone. Non-existent. You get the idea.

Cause of death: Acute Entitlement. ( I just know you’re feeling entitled to an exact definition, so it can be summed up as a SEVERE case of feeling that one is deserving, or entitled, to certain privileges). There you go, making my argument for me! I really don’t even have to go on, but you know I will. Oh, yes. There is so much more to say.

Where oh where do I begin? Okay, long ago when we were a less-whiny bunch, there used to be this awesome thing called personal responsibility (pretty self-explanatory) and if you didn’t have any, the consequences would sort you out. Simply put: it paid to be responsible and do the right thing by yourself and others. Fast-forward to the present day. We’ve now taken the whole consequence thing out of the picture and now it actually PAYS to be irresponsible and reliant on others for E-VER-Y-THING. Yep. Don’t have a job? No worries, the government (tax payers) will pay you not to work. Don’t have health insurance? Fear-not, my fellow human, you have that now too at the expense of other hard-working, self-reliant types!

Man, life is good. The less productive you are, the more subsidies you receive. Cha-ching! What with all that free food, money, healthcare and whatnot, why roll out of bed at the crack of dawn, make yourself presentable and find a damn job? Do you feel bad about it? Hell no, cause you’re entitled! (there’s that word again). Now after months, perhaps years, of living on your neighbor’s dime, you start to get a little bit annoyed that they have all these nice things. That’s just unfair! They get to go on vacation and you don’t. Fortunately for you, if you’re a European human, you (the entitled one) now have a RIGHT to take a little beach holiday because traveling for tourism applies to the whole “quality of life” thing and thus is now a basic “human right”. Pack your bags, free loaders of the world, because you are takin’ a vacay from your tough, tough life. Not because you are deserving of a getaway, but simply because you’re entitled to one. Speaking for all the hard-working, self-reliant, responsible people, I hope you enjoy that little bonus because we probably won’t be going on any sunny, beach holidays any time soon as we will be paying out our ears to support your apathetic lifestyle.

Let me be clear, the human race, in my humble opinion, has peaked logic-wise. We’ve gone from being the greatest, most innovative and self-reliant people to the most selfish and helpless ones in the history of mankind in a mere 50 years. This rapid decline of logic and reason is the proverbial “time bomb” waiting to go off. No one is immune to the disease of Acute Entitlement sweeping the globe. It is highly contagious.

Here’s how it will all go down:

Scenario 1- all the people who SHOULD be dealing with major, actual issues, will instead be consumed with improving your quality of life and “human rights” (entitlements). Meanwhile, the megalomaniacs of the world will be developing ways to wipe entire nations of the planet. But that isn’t important. Nah, that’s just silly talk…dictators, nuclear warheads….la-de-da-de-da. KABOOM! The end.

Scenario 2- (the most likely scenario) Half the population will be waiting for their handout and the other half will grow tired of giving it and instead demand theirs as well. This in turn will result in zero funding for all the megalomaniacs and their ambitions. They too will fall prey to the vicious ill of Acute Entitlement. The days leading up to our certain implosion will be like watching a scary movie with brain-munching zombies, only we’ll be entitlement-demanding zombies with no one left to provide us with our basic “human rights”.

I'm Sure That Whatever You're Saying Is Really Important, But I Just Can't Get Past That Bit Of Food Stuck Between Your Teeth.

Yep, we've all been there.
And it can happen without warning. You can be minding your own business or lost in la-la land and BAM! You have an unexpected encounter with someone who just finished their lunch like thirty-four seconds ago. On this particular occasion, Miss That-Spinach-Dip-Was-Super-Yummy (who is also rather important and whose job description includes bossing you around) has something she really needs to talk to you about. The second she opens her mouth, it's all over. There it is, that little chunk of dark green grossness is staring at you. Taunting you. Any outside noise has abruptly gone into slow-mo and all you hear is very low-pitched mumblings of blah blah blah blah blah (insert really important task) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah deadline blah blah blah I need you to blah blah blah blah blah blah is that okay?. HUH?! What was that? Stupid spinach dip! Okay, rewind: Really important task, deadline, she needs me to do something and is that okay. Hmmm...So then you find yourself scrambling for clever questions that can give you some clue as to what the hell was just said because you were focused like a laser beam on that dang spinach. Oh what's the point? No amount of clever questioning is going to save you on this one because, well, quite frankly that spinach is still there mocking you. You couldn't process any words if your life depended on it.

Spinach-1, You-0.

To Blog Or Not To Blog

Here I am. Just me and my silly little ponderings. My original plan was to do exactly this: Create a blog. Then a wave of laziness got the best of me so I opted for the Facebook notes instead. That was fine, but it wasn't quite what I had in mind. A few keystrokes and five minutes later, I had created new email and Blogger accounts and VOILA! Deep Thoughts Whilst Shaving My Legs (the official blog) is born. My little brain-child is here....alive and well! I hope you know me well enough not to take me or my little mid-shave ponderings too seriously as I do not wish to offend. Simply put- these are just my little musings.

The Cocktail Party

....Somewhere, in a stately manor tucked away in total seclusion, sits a group of wealthy (hey, I got nothin' against wealth--who doesn't want to be successful??) men and women with 'D's and 'R's after their names branding them with their respective political party. In public they are bitter enemies. They've just enjoyed a supremely delicious five course meal and have now retreated to the parlour for post-feast cocktails. How nice.

Meanwhile, in cyberspace, two average U.S. citizens are having a war of words on the comment board at the bottom of their political blog of choice: "Yeah, well you're a socialist douchebag!" says one. "Whatever, tea-bagger!" says the other. It goes on and on and and ON resulting in each person's opinion virtually unchanged and hours of precious life wasted. Hours they will be wishing they had one day many years from now.

Now-back to the hoity-toity cocktail party. (ting-ting-ting) A toast! Well ladies and gentlemen, job well done! Looks like we have successfully turned stranger against stranger and neighbor against neighbor. Fools...If they only knew how one-in-the-same we actually are."